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PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:15 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 2:03 pm
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Location: Conifer, Colorado
Last we week I wrote about words of affirmation and words of encouragement, let's review what was written last week.

The love language that we will be looking at today is words of affirmation. How do you affirm someone that you love or care about? When we tell people how much we appreciate them, and give them compliments for the things they have done for us or others, that is showing love towards that person.

How much would it help a marriage, if both were committed to saying encouraging words to each other on a daily basis? This is key for a happy marriage.

When you encourage someone you should see the world from their eyes and why they may needs words of affirmation and encouragement. How many times do we assume we know the other person and what they’re going through, and find out we were not even close. Many times people can hide things very well, and are embarrassed by their circumstances. When you know, how hard things are, just remember, that a kind word can go a long way in helping them with their pain.

Love is kind and gentle, so use words that express kindness and gentleness. How you say these words of encouragement and affirmation can be key. You may be speaking kind words, but in a voice that is saying something contrary to its intent. Harsh tones, things said under our breath, can be taken the wrong way.

Kind words can heal hurts from disagreements and arguments. When you express how your feelings have been hurt, and know how to talk about those hurts, then you’re a step ahead of the game. Sit that person down and share with them, why their actions hurt you. When this starts to happen, you are reaching out to build love in your relationship, through kind words.

These are the highlights from last week’s article; did you get a chance to use words of affirmation or encouraging words this past week? If you did, did it make a difference in your relationship? How did your spouse receive your encouraging words?

Here is part two of words of affirmation and encouraging words. In today's article we will be covering various dialects of words of affirmation and words of encouragement. How many of us feel the need to be appreciated and wanted in our marriage? I know I sure do, its very important to me. When you affirm your spouse, you are giving life and appreciation. That's very important in a struggling marriage -- that really is giving hope in a meaningful way. I can remember listening to a couple that I was marriage coaching, she just wanted to hear her husband say, thanks for the many things you do for me. He could never respond to her requests, he said she should know that I appreciate what she does for me. It was very hurtful to her. She looked at him and asked, can you please tell me what I have done for you that means anything? This is why it’s so important that you tell your spouse "thank you for..." it means so much for those who love tank is empty and needing words of affirmation or words of encouragement.

I can remember sitting at a table (Christmas party) where the wife of a friend was bragging about her husband, and all his athletic accomplishments that he had earned while playing for the Philadelphia Phillies, he was a great pitcher. My wife sat there and said nothing, and I was wondering why she said nothing about me and my good traits. So, I asked her on the way home, her response was, "they all know about you, I've been telling them for a long time how good and kind you are." That made me feel very important and I was encouraged by her. So, if your spouse is not around, brag about them, what you said will get back to them, be proud of your spouse. If they have done some great things for you tell the kids, your folks, tell your friends. I have seen some incredible changes when this act happens.

Here are some suggestions for you to help you use words of affirmation and words of encouragement:

Keep a notebook with the things you have said to your spouse that would be kind words -- words of affirmation, words of encouragement -- write them down. Also write down the words used by your spouse.

Give your spouse a compliment each day for 30 days and keep a record of how he/she responds.

Watch couples when you go out to dinner, which ones are old married couples, and which ones are dating, observe how they interact with each other. I was watching a couple at a diner, he looked around, she looked around, and no conversation took place for several minutes, its amazing on what you see when you observe. Don't be like this couple, engage in good uplifting communication.

Next week, I will be writing about Quality Time, this article will be on, how to spend quality time with your spouse. Do you have a problem of letting go with your spouses past? Is it difficult for you to encourage your spouse? Do you want to learn some ways that you can build a strong and lasting marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please call Dr. Mike, he can help you strengthen your marriage.

Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by phone appointments, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.

_________________
Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services
Web: http://www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com
blog: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office 303.456.0555

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